Being a good mom is so important to me. I had a "good mom" moment today. My youngest daughter and I went to the YMCA to swim. Packing the bag of items we would need to go swimming was an adventure all its own.
Goggles are an essential tool when swimming. The hunt for the goggles is always a fun search...not. My girls find it impossible to put things back in their proper place after use. And it often becomes my fault when they cannot find them.
I encouraged my youngest to begin the search. She opened the closet, looked in and said, "I cant find them." I reply with, "well you have to move a few things around." Uncharacteristically and to my great surprise, she begins dismantling the whole closet in search for the missing goggles. She even retrieves the ladder from the basement to assist in her search. She finds some fun things but not the goggles.
I do a quick search and come up with a win. We pack our bag and we are off...leaving my older daughter home to finish her homework.
Once at the pool she was in the water in a flash. We came during the lap swim time. She proudly boasted of swimming laps when she went to the pool in Kansas over Thanksgiving break with her grandparents, while I went shopping. She was already 3 laps in when I finally got into the pool and got used to the water.
She was so cute. She was determined to get to wall first every time I set off to swim a lap across the pool. I've seen her competitiveness come out when she cheats to win a game or something. But tonight she was really pushing herself and succeeding. Not that I'm a great swimmer, but I wasn't going easy on her.
We only raced for real on two laps, which she won. The whole night, I only beat her across once.
She talked to me about how much she loved the water. I listened and realized that I never really knew how much she loved the water and swimming before that moment. I mean all kids like playing in water, right. But there is something more to her love for the water than just a kids love. That was a rich moment I will never forget.
We were in the lanes for 90 minutes swimming, talking, racing, learning. And the whole time we are both having a blast. She's smiling and cherishing every moment. And I'm so happy I chose to do this with her instead of waste a night in front of the TV or computer.
I get so busy and self absorbed that I forget how much moments like these mean to me and to my girls. How are you supposed to do everything and still have energy for moments like these? My husband and my children suffer when I'm busy. And when I'm busy giving myself to my job, or my volunteer work, or cocahing volleyball, I don't have much left to give to my family...so my family gets the least of me. I don't like that and I know they don't like it either.
With volleyball over, it's the first time in 4 months we can breathe, individually and as a family. My youngest daughter has such a strong sense of family and the need for us to spend time together. Even at her young age she pays attention and directs us on ways to be together. And I love this quality in her that draws us together.
We are an independent family--valuing our independence over one another. Why do we do that? Who has taught us to be so self absorbed and consumed? ##&*&@!@###
Tonight, it was my idea to go swimming. That may be the only reason I was so willing to go. I'm ashamed to admit that, but it's true. I've been praying consistently for weeks that God would help me focus more on my family and less on myself. I can be very selfish with my time. I think God is helping me see how my own selfishness has contributed to some of the issues my daughters are having in their tween and teen years.
They've learned from me to think selfishly. I still have time to help them learn what it's like to think unselfishly. And it's moments like tonight at the pool that remind me that it's not to late for me to change.
I pray that the Holy Spirit will continue to turn my heart away from selfishness. Lord Jesus help me to value my family over myself. Forgive me for being so self absorbed and selfish with my time. Give me eyes to see and ears to hear the needs of my family. Strengthen my resolve to meet their heart felt needs. Change my heart so that I put them first.
I still have a lot to learn as a mother.
Tonight I learned that I have a daughter who loves to swim laps. She loves to win when she swims laps. Being in the water brings her great joy. I learned that time with my daughter at the pool, swimming laps, is the best way to spend my time on a Monday night like tonight. May there be many more laps to follow!
